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NEEDINESS is men’s overarching problem.
Balance in Life is the first principle so you are not so needy with women.
Being Authentic, not trying too hard that expresses you feel you are not enough and is self-centered on performance rather than being curious about her. Everyone wants to be seen for who they are and you should expect her to make an effort to appreciate you, too.
Feeling Communicates, so it’s not mainly about what to say, nothing special is needed.
She feels what you are feeling as a summary of your life and your presence and intent toward her.
The key to natural connection is:
Identifying Feminine Women warm, gentle, receptive, open, kind:
With complementary masculine feminine polarity things flow naturally with less effort.
Then you can feel with your whole body from the heart, not just lust, which is all that is possible if she’s not offering heart.
With masculinized women you are required to be hyper masculine to create polarity: the standards are too high and too low, generally uncomfortable and it’s hard to be yourself.
They are less able to receive, more likely to be defensive and angry at attention.
You can’t feel her heart so it’s more about lust.
She complains men just want sex, but what she is really perceiving is neediness and weakness relative to the aloofness she requires to perceive strength to create attraction.
Being Present to what you are feeling and to her in conversation, saying what you notice about her and calling out everything, not just compliments to make her like you.
Enjoy Intense Sensation that can be overwhelming and scary, and send you into your head to nervously talk fast to ejaculate off the energy. Relax and enjoy your turn-on. Receive her, Drink in her beauty.
Appreciation you feel, she feels it, too.
Flirting or just friendliness can be an exchange of appreciation that is not goal directed.
Receiving and giving.
Even very short exchanges of appreciation in public can be very sweet, soulful, deep and nourishing, reminding me what it is to be a human being in a sea of indifference. Many of these women are taken but they may feel less taken for granted in their relationships or get an extra boost they take home to their partner. It's not zero sum. It's all good when done with love.
Standards for Respect provide integrity with your needs.
Identify and call-out unacceptable female behavior instead of groveling for approval or to get sex. Men put up with way too much disrespect and are left speechless at the automatic rudeness, criticisms, and contempt for male sexuality cultivated by many women.
Men are just beginning to stand up for themselves. Some men are going to the extreme of Red Pill and MGTOW and withdrawing altogether. While they are no longer tools or fools, they are not what I consider cool.
Beat The Matrix of Shame: social influences that shame men into believing they need to perform for approval in stages 1 and 2. of human development as Human Doings, rather than Human Beings who are enough.
Stage 1: Shame for failure. Performance requirements: provider and protector in strict gender roles that leans toward materialism. Man as Tool.
Stage 2: Shame for being masculine. Performance requirements: being more feminine, virtue signaling, and redemptive posturing to atone for sins of the penis. Men are stupid. Man as Fool.
Stage 3. You are enough as a Human Being and internally self-directed. Man as Cool.
Make friends with men and women from other countries where flirting is more common and women are not so threatened by it.
Focus on Receiving
Failure to connect is not just rejection, but also sometimes her failure to receive. Take the feedback you can, but don't take in too much. There is a tendency for men to blame themselves because they accept the gynocentric premise that they are not enough until proven so in the eyes of women.
Pay attention to your failure to receive: not noticing signals, getting nervous because you are unsure, etc.
When someone's vibe is higher than yours you may not even perceive them because you can't receive from a higher level, you can't resonate. You can see women sometimes doing this, too.
Similarly, "low self esteem thinks high self esteem is a jerk" applies to men resenting other men's success and women judging men who are confident and masculine.
Get to the point that you know you can wait and let women come to you--the result is better.
Capacity to receive is based on the extent of healing, social awareness, and practicing presence in daily life.
Balance in Life is the first principle so you are not so needy with women.
- Purpose in life
- Emotional healing
- Getting healthy
- Men supporting each other for masculine development in an under-fathered world
- Don’t have to be perfect to get started.
Being Authentic, not trying too hard that expresses you feel you are not enough and is self-centered on performance rather than being curious about her. Everyone wants to be seen for who they are and you should expect her to make an effort to appreciate you, too.
Feeling Communicates, so it’s not mainly about what to say, nothing special is needed.
She feels what you are feeling as a summary of your life and your presence and intent toward her.
The key to natural connection is:
Identifying Feminine Women warm, gentle, receptive, open, kind:
With complementary masculine feminine polarity things flow naturally with less effort.
Then you can feel with your whole body from the heart, not just lust, which is all that is possible if she’s not offering heart.
With masculinized women you are required to be hyper masculine to create polarity: the standards are too high and too low, generally uncomfortable and it’s hard to be yourself.
They are less able to receive, more likely to be defensive and angry at attention.
You can’t feel her heart so it’s more about lust.
She complains men just want sex, but what she is really perceiving is neediness and weakness relative to the aloofness she requires to perceive strength to create attraction.
Being Present to what you are feeling and to her in conversation, saying what you notice about her and calling out everything, not just compliments to make her like you.
Enjoy Intense Sensation that can be overwhelming and scary, and send you into your head to nervously talk fast to ejaculate off the energy. Relax and enjoy your turn-on. Receive her, Drink in her beauty.
Appreciation you feel, she feels it, too.
Flirting or just friendliness can be an exchange of appreciation that is not goal directed.
Receiving and giving.
Even very short exchanges of appreciation in public can be very sweet, soulful, deep and nourishing, reminding me what it is to be a human being in a sea of indifference. Many of these women are taken but they may feel less taken for granted in their relationships or get an extra boost they take home to their partner. It's not zero sum. It's all good when done with love.
Standards for Respect provide integrity with your needs.
Identify and call-out unacceptable female behavior instead of groveling for approval or to get sex. Men put up with way too much disrespect and are left speechless at the automatic rudeness, criticisms, and contempt for male sexuality cultivated by many women.
Men are just beginning to stand up for themselves. Some men are going to the extreme of Red Pill and MGTOW and withdrawing altogether. While they are no longer tools or fools, they are not what I consider cool.
Beat The Matrix of Shame: social influences that shame men into believing they need to perform for approval in stages 1 and 2. of human development as Human Doings, rather than Human Beings who are enough.
Stage 1: Shame for failure. Performance requirements: provider and protector in strict gender roles that leans toward materialism. Man as Tool.
Stage 2: Shame for being masculine. Performance requirements: being more feminine, virtue signaling, and redemptive posturing to atone for sins of the penis. Men are stupid. Man as Fool.
Stage 3. You are enough as a Human Being and internally self-directed. Man as Cool.
- Being present, communicating through feeling,
- Working out and working in: Balance (not just gym, but meditation, nature, reflection, etc.)
- Awareness of social influences to free who you really are: beat the matrix.
- Conserving and expanding sexual energy
Make friends with men and women from other countries where flirting is more common and women are not so threatened by it.
Focus on Receiving
Failure to connect is not just rejection, but also sometimes her failure to receive. Take the feedback you can, but don't take in too much. There is a tendency for men to blame themselves because they accept the gynocentric premise that they are not enough until proven so in the eyes of women.
Pay attention to your failure to receive: not noticing signals, getting nervous because you are unsure, etc.
When someone's vibe is higher than yours you may not even perceive them because you can't receive from a higher level, you can't resonate. You can see women sometimes doing this, too.
Similarly, "low self esteem thinks high self esteem is a jerk" applies to men resenting other men's success and women judging men who are confident and masculine.
Get to the point that you know you can wait and let women come to you--the result is better.
Capacity to receive is based on the extent of healing, social awareness, and practicing presence in daily life.
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I help men connect with women: From meeting to being in a relationships that are with deep, sweet, soulful and hot. Paul Hess. Ph.D. Find out what you get in a Free Assessment See how I support you fully: Health Coaching Steps |
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